The List

1. Get Christian off to school. Check

2. Do laundry. Check

3. Gifts for Visiting Teachees and contact partner. Check

4. Clean bedrooms and make beds.

Check

Check

Check

5. Get a batch of clothes ready for eBay. Check

6. Get Parker off to school. Check

7. Wrap Brandon's birthday present. Check

8. More laundry. Check

9. Read to Ella. Check

10. Put Ella down for a nap. Check

11. Make game and treats for the 3rd grade Halloween party. Check

12. Make pumpkin cheesecake muffins to take to Landlord with rent. Check

13. Call Discovery Toys hostess'. Check

14. Pick up the children from the Primary Activity at church. Check

15. Go to the grocery store. Check

16. Bake and eat jack-o-lantern pizza. Check

17. Do homework. Check

18. Carve jack-o-lanterns. Check

Look it's my Minnie! Thank you Daddy!

19. Update blog. Check

20. GO TO BED! Check

The Box

There is a box that sits in the top of my closet. This is a special box and it has only been opened 3 times. In this box are tiny things. Tiny things for a tiny baby that were never worn or used. It is my grievance box.

3 years ago today at 4:25 am after 12.5 hours of induced labor I delivered a tiny baby that passed away from an umbilical cord accident.

I never imagined that this could have happened to me. It's not something you would wish on your worst enemy.

As sad and devastating that this experience was it has been an opportunity for growth in my life.

I learned that we are never alone.

Honestly looking back I don't know how I got through that or made it through that experience. The only way I can explain it is that the Lord and angels had to be by my side. I will never be able to explain the feeling of peace that was in that delivery room that morning. I know that the Lord loves me and has a plan for me.

I have also experienced a huge increase of faith in my life.

Getting pregnant so quickly afterward was in many ways a blessing but also very difficult. Cord accidents are random and can happen to anyone. There were lots of days I was a complete basket case with Ella. Towards the end of my pregnancy I finally had to turn it over to the Lord and exercise my faith in him. I have had to learn to trust in God's will, trust in His way of doing things, and trust in His timetable.

I have learned that many important things will occur in our lives that we have not planned, and not all of them will be welcome. Even our most righteous desires may elude us or come in different ways or at a different time than we have planned. Faith and trust in the Lord gives us the strength to accept and persist, whatever happens in our lives. I do not know why my baby had to die. All I know is that is was His will and He gave me strength to accept it. 32 days later I was pregnant again and I know that this was also the Lord's will.

I am comforted by something Richard G. Scott said,

"The challenges you face, the growth experiences you encounter, are intended to be temporary scenes played out on the stage of a life of continuing peace and happiness. Sadness, heartache, and disappointment are events in life. It is not intended that they be the substance of life. I do not minimize how hard some of these events can be. When the lesson you are to learn is very important, trials can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining focus of everything you do. Your life can and should be wondrously rewarding. It is your understanding and application of the laws of God that will give your life glorious purpose as you ascend and conquer the difficulties of life. That perspective keeps challenges confined to their proper place—stepping-stones to further growth and attainment."

This statement hit me pretty hard because this has been on my mind for quite some time now. Not the quote, but the contents of the quote. I have been trying to put into words these feelings and then this quote came along and it describes very beautifully how I feel.These words apply to everyone no matter what challenges they are facing. This just happens to be the most challenging trial I hope to ever have to face.


It is MY choice to be happy. It is MY choice to seek out the JOY in life and accept that there IS indeed good along with the bad. There IS joy right along with the sorrow... and it IS okay to acknowledge those joys even in tumultuous times. It is MY choice to be grateful that my baby is and always will be a part of me. THAT is joyous.




I have learned to have gratitude for tribulations.



"Tribulations are frightening. And yet the Lord said: 'Be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours." 'And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious' (D&C 59:7)."The kind of gratitude that receives even tribulations with thanksgiving requires a broken heart and a contrite spirit, humility to accept that which we cannot change, willingness to turn everything over to the Lord--even when we do not understand, thankfulness for hidden opportunities yet to be revealed. Then comes a sense of peace. "When was the last time you thanked the Lord for a trial or tribulation? Adversity compels us to go to our knees; does gratitude for adversity do that as well?" President David O. McKay observed, 'We find in the bitter chill of adversity the real test of our gratitude . . . , which . . . goes beneath the surface of life, whether sad or joyous' (Pathways to Happiness, comp. Llewelyn R. McKay [1957], 318)." Bonnie D. Parkin, "Gratitude: A Path to Happiness," Ensign, May 2007, 35 36


On that morning three years ago I gained a greater understanding of the atonement of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, a greater love for my eternal companion Brandon, and my children became much more precious to me.

Rites

rite  [rahyt]
–noun

1. any customary observance or practice.

When Brandon and I got married we received some really good counsel. We were encouraged, from the beginning, to establish some rites for our family.

Often when we hear rite we think of a ceremony or a "rite of passage, but rites can be things you as a family do over and over, traditions or rituals. Rites can be elaborate or simple such as family prayer every night or family home evening every Monday. Rites can be things that are special or unique to your family. Brandon and I really took this counsel to heart and from our first day of marriage we started establishing some rites for our little family.

I've been thinking some about this today. Has this made an influence for good in my family? You bet! My favorite rites are the things we do around holidays.

Every fall we go to the same pumpkin patch and on the same hayride.

And

Every Christmas eve we open 1 present. They are always new holiday pajamas. Even Brandon and I get some. We have done this since our first Christmas together.

And

Every year each child picks one new Christmas ornament. We also get one new family ornament. This goes on our "memory tree." We have trees I put up that have matching decorations but our memory tree is our big family tree and on it are the children's precious handmade ornaments, many with their photos, their special ornament from each year of their life, ornaments from special vacations, our "first" ornaments, first Christmas together, first home, baby's first Christmas. . . Our memory tree even has ornaments from my grandmother's tree. Nothing on this tree matches BUT every year I wonder if there could be a more beautiful on the earth. Someday when my children are grown they will take their box of ornaments with them to start their own memory tree.

Even birthdays have rites at the Parish house.

Our children have come to count on many of these things. We have made some very special memories that will last a lifetime. Sometimes life gets really hectic but all these family rites and rituals put all of the other stuff in balance.

What do you do on Sunday evening?

We burn big evil looking pumpkins with our friends.

Carving the pumpkin.

The big boys enjoying the flame.

The little boys were in heaven!

Finding The Great Pumpkin

We made our annual trip to Day Farms for our pumpkins last week. This has been a family tradition since 2002. We tried to go 2 weeks ago but it ended up snowing. The weather turned out to be beautiful and we even convinced our good friends come along. The best part was, they took pitty on our homelessness in Ogden and had us over for some impromptu pizza and playing for the kids. :)

Cousins

Aren't cousins the best? Some of my best memories growing up are with my cousins. My children are blessed to have cousins about their age that live close by. I took care of Jack and Kenley while my sister worked when they were both less than a month old. My how time flys! They are like siblings to my children. Well, better than siblings because they go home to their own house. :)

Children of the corn!

And just about every room in the house ends up looking like this after a weekend with the cousins. But, if everyone's happy no harm right?

Adventures in potty training

Today my beautiful just turned 2 daughter handed me a piece of poo very carefully wrapped, just like a present, in a clean washcloth. She was very proud of herself. Good thing she's cute. According to my mother, she is what is commonly referred to as "payback." The truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way. Admit it. You're jealous!